It doesn't take much searching online to find a post about how
your twenties are supposed to be a time of adventure, new beginnings, travel
and self-discovery. And so, in heed of this oft-repeated
creed, I’m about to
embark on an adventure of my own.
As anyone who’s been on an adventure will tell you, at some
point before you leave, a certain pre-adventure medley of thoughts and emotions
begins to kick in. On the one hand, the knowledge that you’ll soon be leaving
is incredibly liberating. It allows you to break ties, escape your routine, and
leave behind anything you feel isn't working for you, in exchange for a new
home, new friends and a new purpose.
Weirdly though, your pre-adventure state of mind can also
leave you feeling tied down even further to that which you’ll be leaving
behind. I can't be the only one who starts to feel homesick before they've even
left? For some reason, the thought of moving away and starting anew has an
uncanny knack of dredging up the past in all its glory, or not, as the case
may be. Recently, I've spent a lot of time wanting to reconnect with those
times, places and people; trying to find some familiarity in the face of the
coming unknown. Sometimes that’s a good idea – you get back in touch with old
friends and realise how much you'd missed them. Other times though, it’s a bad
idea – you get back in touch with people you thought you’d missed, only to
experience once again the painful reality of why you lost touch in the first place.
Up until recently I definitely thought I had come to terms
with the fact that we lose touch with people as we get older, but it turns out
I hadn't. This confusing pre-adventure ride though has shown me three things: you can’t keep in touch with everyone, some relationships aren't made
to last, and that both of those things are okay.
In fact, the person I'd most like to talk to again, is my
grandma. I would love to be able to pick up the phone and tell her all about my
plans, even if it meant being interrogated repetitively and repeatedly until my
departure date and beyond. As difficult as it's been to accept this barrier,
and to try to reconcile making a fresh start with a desire to go back in time
and share another moment with somebody, all this has just highlighted for me that some
relationships really are more special than others. If anything, it's shown me
that in some cases there wasn't much love lost at all. It seems to me that rather
than wasting time hurting over people who wouldn't hurt over you, it's far more
important to focus on your genuine connections, and on building more of those
special, enduring bonds. You can't go back to the past. All you can do is appreciate what you have now, and look forward to the future.
And now I'm going, before I decide to get back in touch with
anyone else…
